Navigating unsolicited comments and opinions about your child’s appearance can be challenging, especially when it involves family members who have differing views. This situation is faced by one parent who shared their concerns in a recent letter to “Dear Care and Feeding,” seeking advice on how to handle it.
Their 10-year-old son has chosen to keep his hair long, and he adores his shoulder-length locks. The parent is supportive of their child’s choice, emphasizing that he takes excellent care of his hair and prefers to wear it down. However, their family members, who reside in a more conservative town, often make comments about his hair when they interact through FaceTime or during visits. These comments range from suggesting that he should cut his hair to remarks about how he would look better with shorter hair.
The parent finds these comments rude and inappropriate, believing that no one, especially a child, should be subjected to such unsolicited advice about their appearance. They are conflicted about whether to address the issue directly or leave it for their son to handle.
In the parent’s attempt to gauge their son’s feelings, he assures them that the comments don’t bother him, dismissing them as “boring.” The child has a history of standing up against stereotypes and expectations, such as defending classmates’ choices in clothing and interests irrespective of gender norms.
The parent is now seeking advice on how to handle this situation effectively. They are inclined to let their son address the comments himself, as he has a history of doing so. However, they admit to feeling tired of constantly hearing family members comment on his hair and even contemplate responding with a taste of their own medicine.
In response, “Dear Care and Feeding” offers guidance that underscores the importance of modeling the right behavior for the child. They suggest that the parent should advocate for their son in his presence, conveying that they won’t tolerate jokes or negative comments about his hair. This modeling of supportive behavior can empower the child to stand up for himself in the future.
While it is indeed the child’s battle to fight in the long run, the parent is encouraged to be a strong ally by addressing family and friends who make such comments. This approach helps the child understand that he has a dedicated supporter in his corner. Moreover, it teaches him the value of standing up for what he believes in and for others who may face similar challenges.
In closing, the parent is praised for raising a remarkable child who is unafraid to challenge stereotypes and support others. They are encouraged to continue their efforts in fostering a sense of individuality and empowerment in their son while ensuring that family members and friends are aware of their unwavering support.
